Nordics with Issues
by IhugNico
Summary: SEQUAL TO ICELAND TEH NATOIN! Parodies of Filmcow shows, mostly Llamas with hats. R&R PLZ!
1. There's a dead Swede in the house!

Norway walked into he and Denmark's house, kicking the door shut behind him. He looked down on the floor and let out a groan, "Denmark! There's a dead Swede in the house!"

Denmark poked his head out of his room, "Oh, hey, how'd he get there?"

Norway looked up at him, "Denmark, what did you do?"

Denmark blinked, "Me? Uh, I didn't do this." He mumbled, staring at the now-dead Berwald on the ground.

Norway glared at him, "Explain what happened, Denmark!"

"I've never seen him before in my life!" Denmark shouted defensively.

"Why did you kill this Swede, Denmark?" Norway demanded, pointing at Berwald on the floor.

Denmark folded his arms behind his back, "I do not kill people. That is… my _least_ favorite thing to do."

Norway face palmed and sighed, "Tell me, Denmark, what exactly where you doing before I got home?"

Denmark thought for a minute, "Alright, well, I was upstairs."

Norway folded his arms and nodded, "Okay…"

"I was, uh, sitting in my room…" Denmark continued.

"Yes?"

"Reading a book…"

"Go on…"

"And, well, this guy walked in."

"Okay…"

"So I went up to him."

"Yes?"

"And I threw my ax at his chest."

There was silence for a minute before Norway started pulling on his hair, "Deeenmaark! That KILLS people!"

Denmark looked surprised, "Oh! Well, I didn't know that."

Norway groaned, "How could you not know that, Denmark?"

Denmark sighed, "Yeah, I'm in the wrong here. I SUCK!"

There was more silence as Norway glanced at the Swede, "Denmark, what happened to his hands?"

Denmark looked up, "What's that?"

"His hands. Why-why are they missing?" Norway said, eyes wide.

Denmark shifted his feet nervously, "Well, I kind of umm…Cooked them up and ate them."

There was more silence, "Deeeeenmaaaaark!" Norway screamed.

Denmark backed up, "Well, I-I was hungry. And well, you know…when you crave hands…"

Norway stared at him, bewildered, "Why on Earth would you do that?"

Denmark stared at him seriously, "My stomach was making the rumblies-"

"Denmark!"

"That only hands would satisfy…"

"What is wrong with you Denmark?" Norway yelled.

Denmark counted on his fingers, "Um, let's see… I kill people, I eat hands. That's two things!"

"Ugh, I don't know you!" Norway mumbled, walking away.

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><p><strong><em>Review!<em>**


	2. You sunk an entire cruise ship!

Norway glared at Denmark from his side of the lifeboat,  
>"Denmark! What on Earth was all that?"<p>

Denmark glanced up at him, "I'm not sure what you're referring to…"

Norway threw his arms up in exasperation, "You sunk an entire cruise ship, Denmark!"

Denmark tapped his chin, "Are you sure that was me? I think I would remember something like that…"

Norway put his hand on his forehead, "Denmark, I watched you fire a harpoon into the captain's face!"

Denmark looked up at him, "That sounds dangerous…"

"You were kicking children off the ship!" Norway shouted.

Denmark blinked, "That, uh… Must've been horrifying to watch…"

"Then you started making out with the ice sculptures!" Norway yelled.

Denmark looked at him, "Well then good thing the children weren't on board to see that!"

Just then Norway lifted his foot up and made a face, "Denmark, why is the life boat all red and sticky?"

Denmark looked at the ground, "Well, I guess you could say it is all red and sticky."

Norway looked up at him, "Denmark, what are we standing in?"

Denmark looked at him with a bored expression, "Would you believe me if I told you it was a strawberry milkshake?"

Norway glared at him, "No."

"Boat nectar?"

"No."

"Some of God's tears…"

"Tell me the truth, Denmark!"

Denmark sighed, "Fine…" He put his arms out and grinned, "It's the lovely Swedish couple from 2B!"

"DEEENMAAARK!" Norway screamed.

Denmark stared at the sticky red floor, "Well, they were stealing all the croissant rolls…"

"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" Norway mumbled.

Denmark folded his arms, "I will not apologize for art."

Norway started looking around, "Denmark, where are all the other lifeboats?"

Denmark turned around, "Whoa! You win the prize! I didn't even notice that…"

Norway glared at him, "Where are the other lifeboats, Denmark?"

Denmark glanced up at the sky and pointed at the sun, "Judging by the trajectory of the moon and sun, probably at the bottom of the ocean. I cut holes in them with my ax."

"DENMARK!"

Denmark sighed, putting his elbow on the side of the lifeboat and putting his chin in his hand, "I have a problem. I have a serious problem." He mumbled, bobbing his head.

Norway groaned, "You are just terrible today!"

Denmark put his finger to Norway's lips, "Shhhh…D'you hear that? That's the sound of forgiveness."

Norway slapped his hand away, "That's the sound of people drowning, Denmark!"

Denmark smiled, "That's what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming and then silence."

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><p><em><strong>Pfft, Denmark makes such a good Carl. XD And the reason he's picking on Sweden is because I guess Denmark and Sweden had a war? I'm not exactly sure.<strong>_

**_Review!_**


	3. You toppled a Swedish government!

Denmark was sitting on a bench outside of a burning city. Norway threw his arms up, "Denmark! We're supposed to be on vacation!"

Denmark smiled and leaned back on the bench, laying his ax on his lap. "I don't know about you, but I'm having a good time."

"You toppled a Swedish government, Denmark!" Norway shouted.

Denmark shrugged, "The people have spoken." He punched the air, "VIVA LA RESISTANCE!"

Norway face palmed, "You pushed the resistance leader into a giant fan."

Denmark stared at him, "He was a traitor and a scoundrel."

Norway blinked, before screaming, "He was trying to stop you from pushing _other_ people into a giant fan!"

Just as he said that, a shape kicked out of Denmark's stomach. He blinked, "Whoa, that was a foot. I appear to have swallowed an entire person…"

Norway grimaced, "That would be the hotel bartender."

Denmark thought for a minute, "That would explain why my beer is taking so long…"

Norway squeezed his eyes shut, the image still fresh in his mind, "It was horrifying. Your jaw unhinged like a snake."

Denmark grinned, "Wow, that sounds pretty awesome."

Norway groaned, "I can't go anywhere with you, Denmark."

Denmark put a hand over his chest and made a hurt expression, "That hurt my feelings, now we're both in the wrong."

Norway started to walk away, "I wanna go home. We're leaving."

Denmark got up and trotted behind him, "In that case I should probably tell you I filled our luggage with Swede meat."

Norway spun to face him, "What?"

Denmark blinked, "Well, I'm building a meat dragon. And not just any meat will do…"

Norway looked like he was going to be sick, "You know what, forget it. I'm not even shocked anymore."

Denmark frowned, "Aw, that's no fun…"

Norway glared at him, "This has become the norm for you, Denmark!"

Denmark grinned, "I'll have to try harder next time."

Norway's face paled, "Please don't…"

Denmark twirled his ax in thought, "I feel like I've been issued a challenge."

"DEEEEENMAAAAARK!"

Denmark grinned, "It's too late now…" He frowned for a minute, "You…"

Norway blinked, "You?"

Denmark frowned, "I totally don't remember your name."

Norway blinked, jaw dropping, "WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR CENTURIES, DENMARK!"

Denmark smiled, "And what an impression you've made!"

Norway groaned, "My name is Norway; Lukas."

Denmark blinked, "What?"

"I said my name is Lukas." Norway growled.

Denmark blinked, "Oh, I thought you we're a woman…"

Norway blinked, "WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?"

Denmark stared at him, "Mostly by how you're always talking about fairies and such. Now if you excuse me I have to delete some pictures from my computer."

**_I like Lukas the best out of Norway's possible human names..._**

**_Review!_**


	4. Happy Birthday, Norge!

Norway looked up from his newspaper to glare at Denmark, "Denmark! You've tracked mud all over the carpet!"

Denmark blinked, turning around to look at the muddy shoeprints behind him, "Now that there is a mess…"

Norway groaned, "I just had it cleaned yesterday, Denmark…"

Denmark frowned, "I am not responsible for this; I've been sharpening my axe all morning."

Norway folded his arms, "These are _clearly_ your shoeprints, Denmark."

Denmark put a finger in the air, "Then there's an imposter on the loose!"

Norway blinked, putting his hands out in annoyance, "They lead directly to you!"

Denmark folded his arms with a finger on his chin, "Clue number one; the imposter is a phantom."

Norway sighed, "Denmark, stop avoid-"

Right as he was going to say that, there was an explosion, blowing the house off of them. Norway stared wide-eyed at the mushroom-cloud in the distance. "DENMARK!"

Denmark smiled, "Happy birthday!"

Norway turned to him, "It's not... Please tell me you have nothing to do with this!"

Denmark was still grinning, "Why don't you blow out your candle?"

Norway glared at him, "You've gone too far this time, Denmark! You blew up Sweden!"

Somewhere, meanwhile, Berwald was having a heart attack.

Denmark cupped a hand around his ear, "What? It's hard to hear you over the sound of burning Sweden."

Norway groaned, "How did you even do this?"

"A dollop of fairy dust." Denmark said.

Norway would've believed him for a moment, but then changed his mind, "Denmark-"

"I ripped the tag off a mattress." Denmark sated bluntly, leaning on his axe.

"This isn't funny, Denmark." Norway muttered.

"Who's laughing? Clearly not all the Swedes that just exploded." Denmark replied, examining his fingernails boredly.

Norway groaned, "I'm leaving. I've had enough of this."

Denmark's eyes widened, "But think off all the perfectly roasted faces we'll get to munch on now!"

Norway spun to face him, "What? Why?"

Denmark put a hand on his shoulder, "Because we're brothers. And brotherhood is two guys munching on a well-cooked face together."

Norway swallowed hard, "That isn't brotherhood, Denmark. That's just sick."

Denmark sighed, "Well then you're probably not going to like your party decorations…"

Norway blinked, "It's not even my…" His face paled at the faces on balloons floating down, "Oh my...DENMARK!"

Denmark smiled, "Surprise!"

Norway looked sick, "Oh...Oh no…Aww…" He mumbled, clutching at his stomach.

Denmark sighed, "I'm sorry. I thought you liked faces. Obviously there's a miscommunication."

Norway groaned, "This is awful, Denmark."

Denmark glanced around, "You're right. It's not nearly as tasteful as I pictured in my head."

Norway gagged, "I think I'm gonna throw-" Suddenly he flinched and jumped back, "One just touched me."

Denmark put his hands in his pockets, "This was clearly not the way to go."

Norway glared at him, "Ya think, Denmark?"

Denmark shrugged, "What can I say? I expected them to be cooked more. Raw face is just gross."

Norway put his arms out, then put them right back at his sides to avoid touching a face again. "That isn't the problem, Denmark! Why would you even think this is a good idea?"

Denmark smiled, "Probably because I'm a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence."

Norway blinked. "Oh."

Denmark nodded, "I don't understand how you keep forgetting that."

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><p><strong><em>Oh Denmark. What is wrong with you?<em>**

**_Review!_**


	5. A Serious Nordic Meeting

Sweden walked into the business room of the Nordics. He cleared his throat and sat down at the table, "Well, good afternoon everyone. Thanks for coming. I know its Friday and you're all anxious to get out of here so let's make this quick. Let's go straight to the ideas for advertising. Iceland, why don't you go first?"

Iceland cleared his throat and stood up. "Right, well I was thinking to get more tourists we should go for something more traditional for the print ads and-"

Denmark broke himself from his beer to yell, "That idea is toootallly gaaaaaaay!"

There was silence for a moment and Finland looked at Denmark, "I-I'm sorry, Denmark. What?"

Denmark smiled, "I think my words speak for themselves, go on."

Iceland frowned, looking confused, "Alright, as I was saying, our print ads would go in the usual magazine run but the twist would be-"

Denmark cut him off again, "TOOOTALLLY GAAAAAYY!"

Iceland glared at him, "CAN YOU JUST LET ME TALK?"

Sweden sighed, "Denmark, let Iceland finish."

Denmark smiled, "Of course, of course. Go ahead, Iceland, I apologize."

Iceland frowned, "Alright, well-"

He hadn't said two words when Denmark started running around the room, "TOOOOOOOTALLY GA-GA-GA-GA-GA-GAAAAAAYYYY!" He finished by sliding down onto his knees.

Sweden sighed, "Alright, Denmark, is that it? You have anything else to say, Denmark?"

Denmark got back up and put an arm around his shoulders, "As a matter of fact-" He jumped up and music started playing out of nowhere.  
>"GAY GAY GAYGAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY!"<p>

Norway frowned, "Denmark, just get out of here."

Denmark started waving his arms around "TOTALLY-"

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><p><strong><em>You can decide for yourself if Denmark was drunk or not.<em>**

**_Review!_**


	6. Have You Met Sweden? He's real nice

Sweden was walking home from the store when he heard a voice say from the ground, "Watch your step now, wouldn't want you to squish me."

Sweden blinked and looked down to see Finland lying on the ground, "What? Whoa!"

Finland smiled, "Don't be afraid! I'm just an adorable Finn. What's your name?"

Sweden blinked, "Sweden."

Finland smiled, "Well nice to meet ya' Sweden!" He then pointed at the sky, "I fell from the sky! Isn't that interesting?"

Sweden blinked, "You-you fell from the sky?"

"Lots of nations fall from the sky!" Finland said happily.

Just as he said that, Norway fell on the sidewalk next to him, "Hey guys!"

Finland smiled, "Hey, Norway! This is Sweden, he's real nice."

"Hey Sweden! I'm a magical Norwegian!" Norway said.

Sweden was utterly confused, "Uh…Nice to meet you both…"

Just as he said that, a white-haired boy fell on the ground, "Uh-oh! I broke my spine!" He said unhappily.

Finland frowned, "Well that's just bad luck Iceland..."

Sweden blinked, "Are-Are you okay?"

Iceland frowned, "Probably not, I think I'm gonna die now. Bye guys!"

"Bye Iceland!" Norway said a bit sadly.

Finland frowned, "Aww…You didn't get to meet Sweden. He's real nice."

Iceland grinned, "Hey, Sweden! Sorry I can't stay longer but I gotta go to heaven now! See y'all!" He said that and closed his eyes, sticking his tongue out.

There was silence for a minute until Finland sighed, "He's not going to heaven…"

"Icelanders have unlucky souls…" Norway agreed.

Sweden blinked, "I should probably be heading off…"

Finland smiled, "Oh, why don't you take Iceland with you! See if you can sell him."

Sweden looked a bit disturbed, "Ah, no…thanks…"

Finland smiled, "Suit yourself, I bet he's worth a lot."

Norway thought for a minute, "I don't know, he kinda let himself go, he could be worthless."

Just as he said that, Denmark fell on the ground, "Hey guys!"

Norway and Finland glared at him for a minute. "Why'd you even come here, Denmark? Nobody likes you."

Denmark frowned, "Awww…"

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><p><em><strong>DUN'T WORRY, DENMARK! I LIKE YOU!<strong>_

_**Review!**_


	7. Nordic Nations

Norway sighed, looking at the ground, "Man, there is nothing to do."

Denmark looked like he was on the verge of having a freak-out, "Oh my gosh, I am so bored!" He dropped to his knees and threw his head back, "AAAHHHHHH!"

Norway went to slap him, but accidently brushed his hair, he blinked, "So, yeah…Your hair is pretty soft…"

Denmark frowned and put his arms down, "We need to get out of here.

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Soon Norway and Denmark were sitting on the back of a giant puffin in the sky. Norway sighed, "Anything?"

Denmark growled, "No!"

Norway groaned, "The puffin isn't working!"

Denmark put his arms up, "We never come up with good ideas on the puffin!"

Norway glared at him, "Well what else can we do?"

Denmark started yelling at him, "WE CAN DO SOMETHING THAT ISN'T STUPID!"

Norway sighed, "Let's just set some fires or something.

"WE ALWAYS SET FIRES!" Denmark screamed.

Norway was now fed up and slapped him, causing him to fall off. "AHHHHH!"

Norway then brightened up, "I know, let's go visit Prussia!"

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Norway and Denmark stood in front of a large house, Norway yelled up, "Hey, Prussia? Are you home?"

A voice from behind them chirped, "I'm a nation!"

Denmark spun around and put his arms up, "WHOA! WHOA!"

Sealand was sitting there with a huge grin on his face. Norway pointed a finger at him accusingly, "You're the _boring_ nation!"

Denmark started yelling at him, "We want the one who isn't _terrible!_"

Sealand frowned, "Awww…I can be fun…"

Norway grabbed his shirt and began to shake him, "NO! NO YOU CAN NOT!"

Denmark started petting his hair and grinned, "Whoooaaaa, mai hair _is _sowft…" he said, grinning.

There was thunder and they all turned to see Prussia with sunglasses on a flying skateboard, "Yeeaah! Prussianess…" He jumped and the surfboard exploded, he landed on his feet and grinned, "I just surfed around the _WORLD_!"

Out of nowhere, Denmark produced his ax and started stabbing Prussia. Prussia screamed, "AH! AH!"

Norway looked horrified, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Denmark continued to hack at him, "I have no idea! I have no idea!"

Norway put his hand up, "Everyone, onto the puffin!"

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Norway groaned, "Great, now we're kidnappers!"

Denmark pouted, "Sorry! I was just…_So bored!_"

Norway sighed and patted his shoulder, "I know, I know." He paused, "I'm still totally bored."

Prussia screamed from the ground beside them, "I CAN FEEL MY PRUSSIAN AWESOMENESS LEAKIN' OUT OF MAI FACE!"

Sealand raised his arm, "I stole a pack of gum once!"

Denmark turned to scream at him, "NOBODY CARES, MICRONATION!"

Norway put his hand on Denmark's shoulder, "Okay, listen, let's just drop them into a ravine and light off a bunch of fireworks inside a church or something."

Denmark thought for a moment, "That sounds lame, but whatever."

They heard Sealand groan and Denmark felt a tug on his sleeve, he looked down to see Sealand with blood on his face. Denmark blinked, "What the?"

Sealand hiccupped, with an arm over his stomach, "Am I cool yet?"

Norway's eyes widened when he saw Prussia lying on the ground with a bite taken out of his arm, "Did you _eat_ part of Prussia?"

Sealand smiled slightly, "Now he's a part of me _forever_!"

Denmark put his arms out, "That is hilarious!"

Norway grinned, nodding, "Why didn't we ever think of eating people?"

Denmark threw his arms up, "Holy crap, our whole week is set!"

Sealand smiled, "Yay! I'm awesome!"

Norway frowned and pushed him off the puffin.

"NOOOOO!" Sealand yelled.

Norway stared at him, expressionless, "And into the ravine."

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><p><em><strong>I think Sealand was sick thar in the end... *huggles him better*<strong>_

_**Review!**_


	8. Sweden: God of Mercy

**_This was a request…_**

Iceland was pinned against a wall with a gun to his head, "SOMEONE HELP ME! MY BANK IS BEING ROBBED!"

Sweden appeared in a flash of light, "Hello, I am Sweden: God of Mercy."

Iceland blinked, "Wha-what?"

Sweden turned to the robber, "Robber, you have broken one of Sweden's twelve Tenants of Mercy, prepare for destruction."

The robber frowned, "Aw man… Really?" Before he exploded.

Sweden then disappeared.

_~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~_

Norway's boss frowned, "I'm sorry, Lukas. But we have to let you go…"

Norway sniffled, "But without this job how will I feed myself?"

His bossed sighed, "It's just business, sir, business business."

Sweden appeared in a flash of light, "I am Sweden: God of Mercy."

Norway's boss blinked, "The heck…?"

"You have broken one of Sweden's Twelve Tenants of Mercy, prepare for destruction."

"But-but, it's just business, man! It's just business!" Norway's boss yelled.

Sweden frowned, "It is business. Business of death."

Right as he said that, Norway's boss exploded.

_~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~_

A random kid sniffled at Denmark, "But this isn't the flavor I ordered!"

Denmark growled, "Go away, kid."

Sweden appeared in a flash of light, "I am Sweden: God of Mercy, what is the problem here?"

The kid sniffled, "I ordered chocolate, and he gave me butter pecan!"

"Butter pecan is far superior to chocolate, prepare for destruction." Sweden said.

The kid then exploded, leaving Denmark with his eyes wide as Sweden disappeared again.

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Finland frowned, "What were you thinking about for lunch, Sealand?"

Sweden then popped up, "I am Sweden: God of Mercy, your wife is really hot, I'm taking him to my foot palace."

Then he disappeared again.

Sealand blinked, "Mama…?"

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Soon Sweden and Finland were in a foot palace in the middle of nowhere.

Finland sighed, "Sve, can I go home yet?"

Sweden grinned, "But, dear, you are home, here with me and my friends. Like that large saxophone, or that slab of rosewood."

Finland blinked, "Man, you're really scary, Sweden."

Sweden frowned, "I see now how I have hurt you. I'm sorry, I must prepare myself for destruction." Then he exploded.

Finland's eyes widened, "Aw come on! You could've brought me back first! I mean where are we even?" Then he paused, "In our relationship. Because I _LOVE _you."

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><p><em><strong>Zulway isn't actually one of my favorite Filmcow shorts... You should know why Sweden took Finland.<strong>_

_**Review!**_


	9. A Depressed Russian

**_I had to do this XD._**

Russia sat on the steps, he stared at the ground and sighed sadly. Latvia walked out and sat by him, "H-Hey Mr. Russia, what's going on?"

Russia sighed, "Well, to be honest, I'm feeling kind of depressed."

Latvia frowned, "Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. Have you tried…walking around?"

Russia nodded, "Yeah…I tried walking around."

Latvia thought for a minute, "Have you tried drinking some vodka?"

Russia nodded, "Yeah, I tried drinking some vodka."

Latvia frowned, "Well, I guess that's about all you can do, huh?"

"Yeah, but none of it helped. I'm still all depressed. And you know what else?" Russia mumbled.

Latvia blinked, "What's that?"

Russia pulled out his pipe and pointed it at Latvia, "THIS IS A ROBBERY! GIVE ME YO' MONEY!"

Latvia's eyes widened, "Whoa! This has taken a turn!"

"I SAID GIVE ME YO' MONEY!" Russia snapped.

Latvia blinked, "Wha-what's going on here?"

"I'm not really depressed, that was a ruse. I mean, everyone know's I can't get depressed." Russia said, now beginning to kol.

Latvia put his hands up, "Alright I don't want to cause any trouble!"

Russia grinned, "Yo' sure right you don't want to cause any trouble. I'm Russia, you know how big Russia is? People use Russia as a synonym for flippin' gigantic. That's how big Russia is."

Latvia stared at him, "Alright, alright. But there's uhh, something I should tell you." Latvia pulled out a shotgun and pointed it at Russia's chest, "I'M AN UNDERCOVER COP! THIS IS A STEG!"

Russia frowned, "Aww man, that's some crap."

Latvia glared at him, "So how's this gonna play out? The easy way? Or the HARD way?"

Russia frowned, "I ain't going to jail, man, do you know what they do to the personification of Russia in jail?" he paused, "NOTHING! 'CAUSE RUSSIA'S FLIPPIN HUMONGOUS! But it's still an inconvenience."

Latvia frowned, "Well maybe we could work something out." Then he grinned, "Off the record."

Russia smiled, "I'd appreciate that. I've got tickets to Boris Godunov tomorrow."

Latvia nodded, "How 'bout you give me whatever cash you've stolen and we can pretend this never happened."

Russia nodded, "That sounds reasonable except." He pressed his pipe against Latvia's throat, "I AIN'T A ROBBER! I'M AN INTERNAL FAIRS OFFICER INVESTIGATING POLICE CORRUPTION!"

Latvia's eyes widened, "WELL! THEN I'VE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU!" He dropped the gun and stared at the ground, "I-I'm not really a cop. I'm just a nervous kid."

There was silence for a minute as the two stared at each other until Russia finally spoke, "I'll be fully honest I don't understand where that leaves us."

**_Boris Godunov is a Russian opera._**

**_Btw, if I were to do Spatula Madness what Nordic should be Edward? I'm thinking Norway but I don't know. I'll probably end this story soon unless I get requests. BTW I WILL NOT DO THE CLOAK! That one makes me sick... Too bloody..._**

**_Review!_**


	10. Hanatamago: The Crime Solving Dog

Finland and Hanatamago were staring at the dead body that had been reported. Finland frowned, "What do you think, Hanatamago? Fourth body this month. Same characteristics; sliced from chin to toe, his inside scooped out, ground up and then…put back in…" Finland made a disgusted face at the last part.

Hanatamago blinked, "Arf arf arf arf arf arf."

Finland sighed and nodded, "I agree, there's no denying it now. We've got a serial killer on our hands."

Hanatamago wagged her tail, "Arf arf arf arf arf."

Finland blinked, "Wait, what?"

Hanatamago started running toward the body and Finland puts his hands out, "Hanatamago! No- awww!"

Hanatamago jumped into the open chest of the body and started rolling around in it, "Arf arf arf arf."

Finland covered his eyes, "Aww…for the love of Jumala, a corpse is not a box, Hanatamago!"

Hanatamago stood up, "Arf arf arf."

Finland cringed, "Aww…this is…so unsanitary…That's evidence, Hanatamago! You're rolling around in gooey, smelly evidence."

"Arf arf arf arf?" Hanatamago barked.

"What? No I'm not in the mood for spaghetti!"

Hanatamago tilted her head, "Arf arf."

Finland groaned, "You get what you want, I'm not hungry."

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Hanatamago got back to the police station and set her take-out box on the table. She nudged it open with her nose, wagging her tail. It stopped wagging when she saw that what wasn't in it. "Arf arf arf!"

She trotted over to the phone and dialed up a number. It rang for a minute until a voice picked up on the other end of the phone. "Romano's Italian, how can I help you?"

Hanatamago started barking up a storm at him, "Arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf!"

Romano blinked, "Whoa! Whoa! Slow down, bastard! What's the problem?"

Hanatamago growled, "Arf arf arf arf arf! Arf arf arf arf arf arf!"

Romano nodded, "Okay, so your order wrong?"

"Arf arf arf!"

"Sorry! Sorry about that! I'll be happy to replace it for you! I'll even throw in free garlic bread." Romano said.

Hanatamago growled, "Arf arf. ARF ARF!" She hung up and Finland walked in.

"Hanatamago! A new body just turned up." He said, his hands in his pockets.

Hanatamago blinked,"Arf arf?"

Finland nodded, "Yes, the same as the others."

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Finland and Hanatamago stood in front of the body in the park. "Arf arf."

Finland nodded, "Yes, as you can see we found this one fresh. It looks like we're getting- oh no, Hanatamago! No! A-Awwwww!"

Hanatamago ran forward, and just as she did with the other body, jumped into the open chest and started rolling around in it. "Arf arf arf."

Finland groaned, "If you keep doing this, I'm gonna stop taking you!"

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Hanatamago put the white take-out box on her desk and nudged it open she growled when she saw pizza inside instead of spaghetti. One again she called up the restaurant.

The phone rang and Romano ran over to pick it up, "Hello, Romano's Italian-"

"ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF!" Hanatamago barked at him.

Romano blinked, "Wrong again? Are you sure?"

"Arf arf arf arf arf." Hanatamago barked angrilly.

Romano sighed. "I'm very sorry, I'm not sure how this happened. Most likely my brother's fault."

"Arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf. Arf arf arf arf arf! Arf arf! Arf arf! Arf arf arf! ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF!" Hanatamago barked.

Romano growled, "Hey, bastardo! Those threats are way out of line! I'm calling the police!"

Hanatamago hung up, a smug expression on her face, the phone rang and she picked it up, "Arf arf?"

"Hello, police department?" Romano asked.

"Arf arf arf arf arf." Hanatamago yipped.

Romano sighed, "I'd like to file a report, I just had my life threatened…and my mother's sexual decency into question."

"Arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf." Hanatamago said.

Romano smiled, "Why thank you. When should I expect the officer?"

"Arf…arf arf arf." Hanatamago responded.

"That's perfect, thank you."

He hung up and Hanatamago grinned evilly, "Arf arf arf aaaarrfff…"

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Hanatamago walked into the store and jumped up on the counter, she wore a fake mustache and a monocle. Romano turned around, "Oh, hey. Thanks for coming, I know it's probably nothing. But I take threats very seriously."

Hanatamago grinned, "Arf arf arf arf arf."

Romano frowned, "No, I don't recognize you. Should I? You eat here a lot or something?"

Hanatamago growled, "Arf arf…" She tore off the mustache and monocle, "ARF?"

Romano blinked, "No, sorry. Still nothing. I'm actually usually in the back."

Hanatamago glared at him, "Grrrr…"

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Hanatamago sat on her desk and Finland walked up, "Hanatamago, I got your message. What's the- WHOA! Who's the dead guy?"

"Arf arf arf arf." Hanatamago yipped, wagging her tail and smiling.

Finland blinked, "The serial killer? But-but I just caught the serial killer an hour ago. Local accountant. Tried to write off time spent gutting people as a business expense."

Hanatamago was silent for a minute, "Arf…arf arf arf arf?"

Finland thought for a minute, "Yeah, you're probably right. Your guy must have been an accomplish then." He frowned, "Hey, isn't that Romano from the Italian place down the street?" He paused, "Why does his throat look like it's been clawed open?"

"Aaah…Arf arf arf arf." Hanatamago suggested.

Finland nodded, "Yes, I suppose suicide makes sense. Couldn't live with the guilt." He clapped his hands once, "Well, good work, Hanatamago…You scary little dog."

_**First of two requests done! Next How to Play the Violin! I have an image of Austria and Kugelmugel in my head...**_

_**oh! BTW! I keep having people say I should do the asdf movies! I have! It's a one-shot called Asdftalia! Find it on my profile!**_

_**Review~!**_


	11. How to Play the Violin

**_Another request._**

Kugelmugel sat on the floor, drawing when Austria walked in. He dropped a violin in front of Kugelmugel and he blinked, staring at Austria, confused.

"Kugelmugel, you have been given a violin. Now play it." Austria said.

Kugelmugel blinked, eyes widening "But, bruder, no!"

"Do it, Kugelmugel!" Austria demanded, pointing at the violin.

Kugelmugel whined and picked it up, running the bow across the strings and whimpering, "Ooooh….Ohohoh...Ooohhh…Ohohoh…"

Austria smiled, "Yes…Yes Kugelmugel. Play the violin."

Kugelmugel looked up at him, "Bruder!"

Austria pointed, "Play it! Play it forever!"

Kugelmugel looked horrified, "No, bruder!"

"Play it!"

Kugelmugel whined, "Ooooh….Ohohoh...Ooohhh…Ohohoh…"

Hungary walked in, "What is going on here?"

Kugelmugel looked at her, tears in his eyes, "Mama! Help me!"

Hungary frowned, "Austria! You must put an end to this immediately!"

Austria glared at her, "But the boy must learn!"

Hungary folded her arms, "Austria."

Austria sighed, "Kugelmugel, stop playing the violin."

Kugelmugel smiled and put the bow down, "Th-thank you, bruder."

"Ugh…" Austria groaned and walked away.

Hungary waited until he was out of earshot and leaned down to Kugelmugel, "Play the violin, Kugelmugel."

**_XD Poor Kugelmugel, suffering violin torture._**

**_Review~!_**


	12. Nordic Nations 2

Norway was lying on his back looking at the sky.

Suddenly Denmark jumped out of nowhere screaming and throwing his arms around. "AHHHHHH!"

Norway stood up, "What? What is it?"

Denmark continued to scream, waving his arms around. Norway started screaming also.

Denmark looked at him, "I suddenly need to kick someone!"

Norway grinned "Let's totally do it!"

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Norway and Denmark were now on their giant puffin, still screaming.

Denmark paused and pointed at their puffin, "AAAHHHH!"

Norway nodded, "AAHHH!"

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Prussia was juggling some of the birds that followed him around when Norway and Denmark ran up to him screaming.

Prussia looked at them, "Hey, dudes, what's going on-AH!"

Norway and Denmark pushed him over and started repeatedly kicking him while still screaming.

"WHOA! OW! OKAY! STOP! AH! OW! AH!" Prussia yelled.

Just then Sealand popped up, "Hey guys!"

They all went silent for a minute.

Sealand smiled, "How's a going?

Denmark and Norway started screaming again and tackled Sealand and started repeatedly kicking him.

Sealand grinned, "Yay I'm involved!"

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Norway and Denmark now stood on their giant puffin in the sky again.

Denmark smiled, "Well we did it."

Norway nodded, "We totally kicked some people."

Denmark frowned, "Then why do I feel this-" Suddenly dramatic music started playing, "TERRIBLE SILKY EMPTINESS!"

Norway then got in his face and the music stopped playing, "OH MAI GAWSH ME TOO! WE'RE SOULMATES!"

Denmark walked away, folding his arms, "I do everything I want! Why do I feel like I do nothing?"

Norway walked up, "What is wrong with us? Are we gonna die?" Norway then started putting fairy and rainbow stickers all over Denmark, "ARE WE GONNA DIE?"

Denmark slapped his hand away, "Shut up I need some beer!"

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Norway and Denmark sat in a bar, Denmark growled, "Even with beer I feel nothing!"

Norway hiccupped laying on the table, "I don't remember how I got here…"

Denmark's eyes widened, "What if we have too much? What if we're never satisfied again?"

Norway nodded, "We need to give it all back! We need to give everything back!"

Denmark put his beer down, "Yes! Everything!"

Just as he said that Norway had a hangover.

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Norway and Denmark ran up to Prussia he was lying on the ground and now had bruises all over him.

"Hey Prussia!" Norway said.

Prussia glared at them, "Go away you unawesome countries."

Denmark put his arms up, "We need to give it all back!"

Norway nodded, "Every bit of it!"

Prussia sighed, "That's just your problem, I'm outta here!"

Just as he said that for some reason Prussia turned into a giant black eagle and it started raining. Dramatic music played from somewhere.

Denmark got down on his knees, "NO! IT'S SO LOVELY!"

Norway started floating to the bird, "I AM NOTHING! A USELESS SNIVELING NOTHING!"

Denmark's eyes were totally white, "I CAN'T SEE! I CAN'T SEE!"

Norway blinked, "I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER BUYING THE DRINKS!"

The giant bird grabbed both Norway and Denmark in its claws and started flying away.

Sealand blinked and watched the bird fly away. He grinned and put his arms up, "Yay! I win!"

Unfortunatley no one was there to witness his victory.

* * *

><p><em><strong>YUP! I'M SO HAPPY THEY MADE A MARSHMALLOW PEOPLE 2! :DDDD<strong>_

_**Requests are always open! **_

_**Review!**_


	13. SVE, THERE'S A DINOSAUR IN THE HOUSE!

Sweden was standing by the stove cooking eggs, "Man, these are some delicious..." the rest of his sentence was incoherent mumble.

"SVE, GET IN HERE!" Finland yelled from the other room.

Sweden groaned and turned to face the door, "What's all the yelling, Finland?

"THERE'S SOME KIND OF DINOSAUR IN THE LIVING ROOM!" Finland called.

Sweden blinked, "That's impossible! There ain't no dinosaur in the living room!"

"Sweden, I'm looking at a bid ol' scary dinosaur!"

"I don't wanna ruin a whole 'nother batch of eggs! I mean they're so delicious!"

"JUST TURN OFF THE DANG STOVE AND GET IN HERE!"

"FINE, WOMAN! I DON'T SEE HOW THERE'S A DINOSAUR!"

"I'M NOT A WOMAN!"

Sweden walked out into the living room grumbling, he looked up to see a large, blue, goofy looking dinosaur sitting in the middle of the living room. "Augh, there's a-there's a big ol' dinosaur in the house!" Sweden said, amazed.

"Maaah." The dinosaur said.

"I told you there's a dinosaur!" Finland shouted.

"What the- how the heck did it even get in here?" Sweden yelled back.

"You must've left the door open, Sve." Finland said, folding his arms.

"What the? That dinosaur can't fit through the door! That there's a _big_ dinosaur!" Sweden said defensively.

"Go get your boot, Sve. Go get your boot and whack him. Go and whack at the dinosaur." Finland yelled.

"I'm not gonna whack a dinosaur with a boot! It's gonna eat me, woman!" Sweden shouted back.

"I'M NOT A WOMAN! I'm gonna get my shoe and I'm gonna whack him and he gonna get outta here." Finland thought.

"Maaaahhh." The dinosaur said.

Sweden sighed, "You know, I'm just gonna call the police. C-Call the police then."

"WHAT ARE THE POLICE GONNA DO ABOUT A DINOSAUR IN THE HOUSE? YOU GOTTA GET YOUR BOOT AND WHACK HIM IN THE FACE!"

Sweden turned around, "I'm gonna go back to my eggs, Finland."

"Maaaahhhh."

Finland looked at the dinosaur,"That dinosaur givin' me the evil eye."

Sweden looked up at the cock-eyed dinosaur and growled, "That dang dinosaur not givin' you no evil eye!"

"THAT DINOSAUR GIVIN' ME THE EVIL EYE!"

"Well then don't at it, woman! Don't look at the stupid dinosaur and his stupid face!"

"I'M NOT A WOMAN! I'm gonna go get the vacuum cleaner and chase that dinosaur out." Finland walked away to go get the vacuum cleaner.

Sweden's eye started twitching, "A-ah! THIS IS A DINOSAUR! IT NOT GONNA BE SCARED OF NO VACUUM CLEANER! IT'S ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS SPECIES IN THE ANIMAL KINGDOM!"

"Maaahh."

"I wanna eat my flippin' eggs…" Sweden grumbled.

Finland walked in, pointing the vacuum cleaner at the dinosaur, "I got the vacuum. Here it comes."

"YOU'RE STUPID FINLAND!"

Finland jabbed the vacuum at the dinosaur, "Get outta here, dinosaur! Go back to your home in dinosaur town!"

Sweden facepalmed, "Ugh, this isn't doing anything! He doesn't even care!"

"Maaah."

Finland continued to jab at him, "He's getting afraid now, I can see it in his EVIL EYE!"

"Where's he even gonna go woman, he's not gonna break a hole through the wall!"

"Well I don't see you doing anything, Sweden!"

"Well there's nothing to do! There's a gosh darn dinosaur in the house!"

A portal tore through reality and the dinosaur disappeared into it. "Maaaahhh…"

The hole closed up and Sweden blinked. "Well there you go Finland, the dinosaur went into another dimension."

"Well that's probably how he got in here in the first place."

"Yeah, I guess. Well I'm going back to my eggs."

Sweden walked back into the kitchen and smiled, "Man these eggs look perfect-"

Another portal opened right under Sweden's eggs and they disappeared into it.

"AGH! FRICKIN DINOSAUR! HOW MANY EGGS DO I HAVE TO MAKE IT'S FRICKEN STUPID!"

**_I wanna do a chapter with Romania and Bulgaria, but not as a pairing. Does anybody have a suggestion on what short I should do for them?_**

**_Review~! Requests are always open~!_**


	14. Nations BD

Bulgaria hugged his knees, staring at the ground, crying. Romania walked up and sat next to him, "Bul what's wrong? You look kinda sad."

"I am sad..." he muttered.

Romania frowned, "Oh no!"

He looked up, "I know it's terrible..."

"BULGARIAAA!"

"I am sad...So sad..." He mumbled.

Romania grinned, "

Well when I'm feeling sad, I sing about all the things in the world that make me happy." Music seemed to come out of nowhere as he started singing.

"An apple pie. A bright blue sky. A breezy meadow in July. An ice cream bar. A shooting star. The sound of a steel guitar."

Bulgaria smiled a bit, "That is wonderful."

"I love the sound of rain. Wearing a hat and cane. Tiffany windowpanes, lovely to see. Frost on a windowsill. The feel of a dollar bill. Vacations in Brazil fill me with glee. These are all the little things that make me smile. This is all the stuff that makes life worthwhile. Everybody knows the Holocaust was a lie. So let's sing about the things we like and don't be shy."

Bulgaria blinked, "W-wait...what was that about the Holocaust?"

Romania kept singing, "

"A strip of lace. A pretty face. Eugenics really makes the case. Counting sheeps and froggy leaps. Touching Bulgaria inappropriately while he sleeps."

Bulgaria blushed madly, eyes huge, "Hey!"

He ignored him, "I

love the feel of grain. The screams of a man in pain. Blood coming down like rain, showering me. That everlasting thrill during the final kill. Body dumped in a landfill, got off scot-free. These are all the little things that make me smile. This is all the stuff that makes life worthwhile. One day I will eat your brains and it'll be great, so let's sing about the things we like and meet your fate."

Bulgaria stared at him, he always knew Romania was a bit...odd. But this? "T-that was uh g-great..." He backed up a bit before running away screaming.

Romania frowned, "YOU WHORE!"


End file.
